apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
