I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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