dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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