If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
