Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
