So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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