last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
