someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
