I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
