I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
