we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
