Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
