she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
