doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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