The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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