Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
