pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
