remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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