dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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