Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
