And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
