I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
