You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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