I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
