I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
