Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
