Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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