It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think i have herpe
just one?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
