all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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