Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
