absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
