so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So much rum. So many feels.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
