I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
