Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize