I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
