My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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