Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just had sex on a roof
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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