We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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