Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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