Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
