im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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