smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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