According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
