I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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