Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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