It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
