Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think i have two assholes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
