He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
