How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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