I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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